ground rules

The fwb ground rules are designed to keep our community safe and welcoming to all of our members. All members are required to review and agree to our ground rules.

Membership requirements

  • We require a government-issued ID to verify your age.

  • Violating any of FWB Ground Rules may result in an expulsion from our club and/or events without a refund.

  • Members on probation for overdue payments, behavior investigation, or anything else are not permitted to RSVP to and attend events.

Safety

  • It should go without saying: do not harass, abuse, or harm anyone – ever – in-person or online.

  • Report any incidents of harassment, abuse, hate speech, non-consensual sexual activity, or any other harmful behavior to staff in-person or online via our incident report form.

  • Communicate them openly with potential play partners. If you feel uncomfortable, err on the side of caution and speak up.

  • We lean sober as a community. While we believe alcohol and cannabis can be lovely additions to some of our parties, we have a zero-tolerance policy for over-intoxication. Members who consume beyond a reasonable limit will be asked to leave for the safety of themselves and our community.

  • No weapons, illegal substances, or anything else forbidden by law.

  • All members who RSVP will receive addresses directly. Unapproved guests will be turned away at the door.

Values

Read more about our values and approach in our fwb manifesto. 

  • Think about how you can show up for our community. Lead with curiosity. Consider how you can make an experience better for others. Be kind. Hugs, compliments, and other expressions of affection are encouraged.

  • Study after study confirms that friendships and meaningful relationships are the most important things for a healthy and fulfilling life.

    While FWB is a sex positive social club, the emphasis is on friends first. We believe all forms of intimacy are equally important and powerful. Allow room for vulnerable conversations, emotional closeness, exchanging of ideas, non-sexual physical touch, eroticism, service, and other forms of affection and pleasure.

  • We condemn the practice of race and queer based fetishization. Members who use hurtful words or who engage in practices that are anti-Black, racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, ageist, body shaming, ableist, whorephobic or xenophobic may be removed or suspended from our community.

  • There’s a broad spectrum of sexuality and desire, and we encourage exploration. Do not yuck anyone’s yum. Do not judge how others’ choose to express themselves or engage sexually.

  • The majority of us will have an STI in our lifetime. We aim to foster a culture where people openly discuss sexual health and practice informed consent. Do not refer to negative STI results as “clean.” Don’t make jokes about STIs or people with them. Decide your risk tolerance when engaging in play, and if someone discloses a positive STI result, do not shame or disparage them.

Consent

  • ​​​​​​We practice active consent at fwb, which means affirmative, honest, conscious, voluntary, sober and ongoing agreement to participate in play.

    ​​​​In practice, it means:

    • ​​​​Clearly communicate your boundaries, wants and needs.

    • ​​​​Always ask for consent before touching anyone or doing anything. That can look like, "I would love to give you a massage. Are you open to that?" and "Is it ok if I touch your hair?" and "Are there any places you don't like being touched?" etc

    • ​​​​Always verbalize your consent (a clear "yes" or "no").

    • ​​​​If you’re unsure where someone stands, ask them. Check-ins are welcomed and encouraged!

    • ​​​​If someone gives you a "no," do not approach them again or pressure them in any way.

    • ​​​​In exploring new things, we may not always know how we feel until we try it. It's always ok to change your mind, ask for a break, or stop at any point. The Wheel Of Consent is a great resource for understanding the giving/receiving dynamics of play.

    • ​​​​Don’t leave marks unless you ask for permission beforehand.

    • ​​​​House safe word is "Red." If someone says this, all play with them must stop immediately.

    • ​​​​Be respectful of personal space. If you want to actively watch people play and are within 10’ of them, ask for consent first. Hosts may have additional rules for watching. If you’re unsure, check with the host.

  • Never pressure someone to try something before they’re ready. If you ask once, and they say no, do not ask again.

  • Do not argue, guilt, shame, or get angry at someone for rejecting you. Rejection is a part of life: be kind to yourself and others when it happens.

  • This includes when you were last tested, your status, and your overall exposure. Sharing information about your sexual activity, health, and potential risks fosters a culture of informed consent and safety.

  • We’re a kink friendly space, but not kink focused. Sensory play and light impact play is allowed and encouraged, but heavy impact play, piss, blood, scat, fire, flame, sploshing, weapons, etc is not allowed. If you're unsure, please check-in with your event host. To be mindful of the experiences of other members, please refer to our event guide for which events are kink-friendly.

Privacy

  • We take our members’ privacy very seriously. For social events, we practice Chatham House Rules: anyone who comes to an event is free to use information from the discussion, but is not allowed to reveal who made any particular comment.

    For play and kink parties, what happens at the event stays at the event. Do not disclose members’ names to the media, to your friends, or anyone else.

  • Only audio and visual recordings organized through our staff with prior consent from all participants are permitted. No exceptions.

  • We will place a sticker over your phone camera and secure it at coat check.

    We prefer that you not check your phone at all during an event, but if you must, you may request your phone from the coat check attendant during social time and give it back when you’re finished. Members who are frequently checking their phones during social time may be asked to leave the event.

    At play and kink events, once play time has begun, there are no phones allowed. If you must check your phone after play time has begun, you will need to leave the event.

  • We provide cards and pens for you to write down and exchange contact information during events. Only use the contact information someone has provided to you unless they have given you explicit permission to contact them via other channels.

Arrival, in-and-out privileges, and venue

  • Cut-off times are listed on the event invite. No one is permitted after cut-off time for play and kink events. To ensure you are admitted, plan to arrive well before cut-off time.

    Play time can begin after the listed time on the event invite.

  • To ensure the safety of our community, once you leave the event, you are not welcome back in.

  • We design our spaces with boundaries for engaging in play to ensure the comfort of all attendees. You’re welcome to express physical affection in non-play areas. Anything veering into heavy petting, making out, or anything sexual needs to migrate to the play area. A host will give you a tour when you arrive for your first event to answer any questions.

  • Throw trash, including condoms, in the bins provided. If you spill or break anything, alert our staff. Clean up after yourself in the bathroom area and always put the lid down. If you make a mess in the play area, use the provided wipes or towels to clean up.

  • To help us avoid unnecessary mess, please consume any food or beverage in the designated social areas. Do not bring drinks or food to the play areas or bathroom.

  • Remove your shoes. We know they’re cute, but all shoes will need to be left at the coat check to help us keep the space clean. Time to invest in pedicures and cool socks.

Sexual health

  • While we don’t enforce mandatory testing, we encourage you to get tested within a few weeks of an event if you plan on participating in play. Members who have been tested within a month of an event and share proof of negative results will receive a special event wristband.

  • Safer sex begins with informed consent. Disclose your risk and exposure to all partners at events. Understand your own and your partners’ comfort levels and boundaries. We encourage everyone to use barriers and condoms. Barrier use must be negotiated with every partner before engaging in play.

    If you test positive for an STI after an event, please contact our team. We will discreetly inform other attendees without revealing your name.

  • Many people have extreme allergies to latex. We provide latex-free barriers (condoms, dental dams, finger condoms). If you bring your own barriers or toys, please ensure they are latex-free, or check with the hosts ahead of the party to see if there are any latex allergies.

Emotional well-being

  • You will get the most out of our events if you show up present in mind, body, and spirit. FOMO is a powerful drug. Only do what you feel comfortable doing in the moment. Coming just for the vibes is a totally fine and valid way to show up.

  • We encourage you to reach out to other members of our community, our team, or loved ones for support to help process. It takes a lot of courage to show up and play in vulnerable and expansive spaces, and sometimes our reactions catch us off guard. Be kind to yourself - it’s a normal part of the process. Talking through it can help.

  • Whether they’re attending or not, agree on what is ok and not ok within the bounds of your partnerships. Consider your partners’ emotional well-being, sexual health, and safety when engaging at events. While it’s not a requirement, if you come with partners, we encourage you to leave with them.

Networking

  • Professional networking is encouraged, but save the business nitty gritty for after events. If someone expresses interest in learning more about you professionally, exchange information on a friendship card. This includes any form of sex work.

  • Except for tips for the bartender or coat check attendee, exchanging money is strictly forbidden.

Dress code and event themes

  • We curate events with different themes and dress code requirements. Be sure to check the event invite before attending for details.